How To Be An Atheist
I found this list on Ray Comfort’s blog thanks to a link by Friendly Atheist. I don’t know who wrote it (his username is “ex-atheist”), so if this is yours, feel free to claim your masterpiece!
Just as a list of 23 way of how to be a Christian would be funny (as I’ve touched on here and here), this list is funny too.
How to be an Atheist:
- Refute everything in the Bible because men wrote it.
- Believe and quote other writings of men to prove that the Bible is wrong.
- Completely ignore the inconsistency between steps 1 & 2.
- Call yourself a “freethinker” and “open minded” but don’t practice such virtues when it comes to Christianity.
- Try to laugh out loud every time a Christian makes a statement about what they believe even if you don’t think it’s really that funny. This helps avoid a “serious” conversation.
- Always bring up Zeus, Allah, and Santa Claus to prove that if you must believe in one God then you have to believe in all of them otherwise it’s just not fair.
- When referring to the Bible use the word “myth” as often as possible and call believers whatever names you want because the goal is to frustrate the Christian so that his sinful nature comes out and he gets angry and then you can call him a hypocrite.
- Set your own moral standards very very very low so that you’ll never look like a hypocrite yourself. The lower the better.
- Never answer a question directly but quickly change the subject to make a completely different point. If you’re asked why you keep changing the subject just repeat this step as necessary.
- Be as argumentative, loud, sarcastic and verbal as possible – there is no need to make sense or use logic in your arguments – just keep arguing.
- Use words like “strawman,” “ad hominem,” “fallacy,” “red herring” and non sequiturs” against every argument whether you understand those terms or not.
- Claim that atheism is rooted in “common sense” even though less than 10% of the human population claim to be atheists.
- Reject all notions of faith even though you must put your faith in pilots, cars, food, doctors, evolution, and the next chair that you sit in.
- Always ask for evidence for God but never accept anything presented to you. At the end of a discussion remind them that all you needed was some evidence for God.
- Quote only the Bible verses that make God look mean and unfair.
- Talk about being a good person remembering that you are allowed to define good however you would like because there is no objective moral standard.
- Say that you have read the Bible and that you understand what it teaches whether this is true or not.
- Only pick on Christians – you don’t want to get killed in a Jihad. However, be sure to say that there is no difference between Radical Muslims and Fundamentalist Christians.
- Always use the crusades to make the point above.
- Remember that you are looking for faults in other worldviews not trying to defend your own – do not try to prove atheism! Remember, it’s much easier to destroy than build up.
- Make the claim that you only have one life and don’t want to waste it on religion.
- If your conscience begins to bother you because of moral guilt you can numb it with drugs, alcohol, sex, or pride. You can give up the first three but never give up your pride.
- Everyday feel free to thank God that you’re an atheist – just in case.
(Read Ray’s full blog post here)
Your thoughts??
PS - If you’re gonna argue the list, realize that you’re not arguing with me.
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22 Responses for "How To Be An Atheist"
I think you ought to invite Mr Comfort here, just to show him that atheists who do *not* fit this list exist, and that atheists are good people too.
It might just blow his mind.
Reminds me of some people I know…
Meh. I’ve definitely seen atheists argue poorly in some of these ways.
Especially for #20, there is a distressingly large number of atheists who do not think through a worldview.
I had to go back and read your ‘how to be a Christian’ lists - those were pretty harsh. This is definitely a fair turnaround.
(tip o’ the hat)
This is so stupid it’s not worth taking the time to argue about.
But Ben, #20 is impossible, because you can’t prove a negative. It’s like me demanding you defend your position as a non-Muslim. How am I to prove that my lack of support for X is valid if I can’t show that X is something which you should not support?
Anyway, some of the points on the list was funny, some not though. I’ve seen many such lists against all people, and there are always aggressive points hidden within them. Lots of harmless and fun points, then suddenly one that isn’t really based on humor but rather ridicule.
Of course. But just as a-Supermanism by itself isn’t all that helpful in determining what is going on in the world, neither is atheism. Or theism, for that matter. Christianity includes more than just theism - it includs supernatural dualism and a code of ethics (yes, there is a lot of variation among Christians in both of these.)
IMO, people who are going to attack Christianity as false should be able to defend some sort of basic epistemology and resulting worldview. It could be metaphysical naturalism, it could be some sort of supernaturalism, etc.
If anybody is taking offense at the list without reading Bill’s links to the Christian lists you’re missing the context on this, by the way. This list is at least as fair as those two were to Christians.
I like Ray Comfort. He’s a real life stereotype who perpetuates other stereotypes. If he was a wizard, he’d wear a long white beard and a pointy hat with stars on.
Hover, that in itself wouldn’t be a problem, it’s more that he insists on sharing the dried frog pills.
OT: This article is about the best Christian forums online. Well, more than forums really, but I can only vouch for the forums. Check them out for sharp, intelligent Christian discussions.
as have I. Sometimes I get even more frustrated with atheists and fellow agnostics than I do with religious. Number 18 is a HUGE sticking point for me. More needs to be said about Islam-MUCH more.
Perhaps what should replace #19 is the Spanish Inquisition - if I had a nickel for every time an athiest has brought this up with me personally. lol…
If someone does bring it up then you could always say that you weren’t expecting the Spanish Inquisition.
Actually there’s no mention of Hitler here. It’s quite often that Hitler gets mentioned as an atheist and you know we’re always ready to throw back that he was raised a Christian. He’s a bit of a negative for both camps really. The kid left in the playground when everybody else has been picked for a teams.
Hey HoverFrog:
Since you seem pretty good with the ‘history’ can you please explain how many people were really persecuted during the Spanish Inquisition? Maybe a brief summery of why they were started in the first place would be an interesting read as well?
Thanks.
Jason
@jason
Mind if I jump in on this one?
Between 3-5,000 people were executed during the Spanish Inquisition as a result from approx. 49,000 trials.
On a sad but interesting note, between 55,000 and 150,000 Christians are killed worldwide each year for their faith. (most in Muslim-controlled nations)
On a side note, we can also toss out some numbers from some Atheist leaders such as
Pol Pot - 750,000 to 1.7 million killed (around 26% of the then-population of Cambodia
Joseph Stalin - estimates ranging from 3 million to as high as 60 million
and we could go on, but who would want to?
One should point out that Stalin happened to be an atheist, but he did not kill in the name of atheism. He killed in the name of Communism. As did Pol Pot.
Those who implemented the Spanish Inquisition were Christian and committed their acts in the name of Christianity. Christians who are killed in Islamic countries for being Christian are killed in the name of Islam, etc.
Find an example of mass killings done in the name of atheism, not just by people who happened to be atheists.
Asupermanists take the all-time title. There might have been a few people who killed others while beliving Superman was real, but not many. You can include Hitler, Stalin, Pol-pot, all of them in the Asupermanists.
Sara, you could also point out that Stalin was raised in the Catholic tradition. However I do think it important that we atheists acknowledge that some other atheists are not the best people in the world just as Christians must acknowledge that some Christians are responsible for terrible things, even Christianity itself. The single advantage we have in that respect is that atheism isn’t a group or a shared belief, rather it is a lack of belief in one thing. You can no more blame a Christian or an atheist for Hitler’s evil than you can dark haired or short people…
…although Pol Pot and Stalin were quite short. I wonder how tall Torquemada was?
The single advantage we have in that respect is that atheism isn’t a group or a shared belief, rather it is a lack of belief in one thing.
That’s sort of my point. Stalin et al were atheists and they committed horrendous acts against humanity - no denying that - but they didn’t do it for atheism. They did it for Communism. So pointing out Stalin as a reason why atheism as a world view is horrible and detrimental to mankind doesn’t cut it.
Counter example: Timothy McVeigh was Christian but did not implement the Oklahoma City bombing for Christian purposes, so I would never posit his act as an example of Christian terrorism.
…
I googled Torquemada and couldn’t find any reference to his height (not that I searched that hard, honestly…). Nor could I find anything about his moustache, which if Custer, Hitler, Stalin, and Hussein are any indication, men with spectacular and/or notable moustaches are capable of incredible evil…
Pogophobe! What about Giuseppe Garibaldi? Is it just moustaches or do full beards count as an indicator for evil?
If it is just moustaches then the handlebar club must be a wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Einstein had a ’stache didn’t he? Hmm, your theory is crumbling fast. Apparently Darwin was 5′11″, not a giant but far from a pigmy.
@ Sara and hov
I don’t think many Christians (at least those who have been in the faith for a while) deny that bad things have been done in the name of Christianity or Jesus. It’s whether or not these people were actually following Christ’s words and laws or their own hidden agendas (i.e. money/wealth) or twisted versions of the Bible (not the gospels mind you) that makes us scratch our heads and doubt their sincerity.
Kristina, biblical language is often archaic and difficult to understand. Translations abound, not just in terminology but in meaning. I’ve said many times that it is a fairly easy to take a phrase and twist it or take it out of context so that it means whatever you like. This is how you get bigots like the Phelps claiming that “God hates fags”. He can literally point to Scripture to support his point and use that to justify his campaign of hate. Yet you have Christians in the gay community wwho take other parts of the bible to show that they are just as loved as anyone.
If I believed I’d opt for the message of love and inclusion over hatred. Does it matter if you’re 100% right? If you don’t interpret a phrase or live exactly as someone else thinks you should? I’d say that as long as you try to do more good than harm then, no, it isn’t that important.
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