Per request, here is a post dedicated to my experience with meeting girls online. This post is extremely personal and has had tremendous effects on my life, both good and bad.

I typically don’t write long posts in attempt maintain the full attention of my readers. This one, however, will be long. Feel no obligation to read this post in its entirety. 

What you’re about to read (click to skip to each section):

One Day My Princess Will Come
Desperate Times And Stupid Decisions.
Internet Love?
The Roller Coaster Ride. 
The Truth Comes Out.
The Aftermath.

One day My Princess Will Come

I always wanted the stereotypical fairy-tale life: wife, kids, white picket fence (literally), dog, coffee in the morning, dinner as a family, etc. Even when I wasn’t a Christian, I typically made wise relational decisions in attempt to set myself up for a fairy tale grown-up life. I didn’t sleep around, I respected girls (mostly), and I didn’t settle for any girl just so I could be in a relationship.

At the age of 25 (still not a committed Christian), I had become frustrated with being single. I was tired of watching friend after friend get married and [from the outside looking in] living that grown-up life that I had always dreamed of. My ‘go out and get wasted every night of the week’ phase was fun while it lasted, I won’t lie. I never pursued any girls that I met, even when I was drunk, which was always considered to be a bit weird to my friends. In the back of my mind, though, I sometimes wondered if I’d meet a girl at a bar who had the same mindset as me: “I have no idea why I’m here. I don’t want the type of girl I’d meet here.” No matter how wasted I was, no matter how hot the girl was, I knew who I was looking for, and I refused to settle for anyone less. What a blessing.

Desperate Times And Stupid Decisions

“Who knows, man? Maybe you’ll meet a girl who thinks the same way as you: she doesn’t want to meet someone at a bar. Maybe she’s just sick of playing the field and truly wants a meaningful relationship!” That was all the reasoning I needed to hear.

A friend, an online dating expert (a ‘pimp from afar,’ as I called him) had given me some sound advice, or so I thought. Perhaps meeting a girl online wasn’t as scary and dangerous as I had always heard it was. This was all the convincing that this desperate man needed. I was gonna give it a go! For the record, I do not blame this friend for ANY of the rest of what I’m about to say.

• Mistake 1: I chose sketchy sites, I won’t lie. I didn’t use Match.com or eHarmony.com. I used the downright ghetto sites to meet girls (no, not “adult” sites, but nevertheless…). 
• Mistake 2: I only talked to the girls who had revealing pictures. Showing some thong? Come talk to me! Showing a little cleavage? You could be the one! Looking seductive yet “oh so innocent?” Check please!
• Mistake 3: The sites that I was using had absolutely no credibility. Moreover, it was impossible to verify that the person in the picture was really the person you were talking to.
• Mistake 4: I quickly exchanged phone numbers with any girl who was interested in talking to me and met the criteria listed in Mistake 2.
• Mistake 5: I began to sacrifice everything that I had always wanted in a girl just to satisfy a desperate need for attention from a girl.

Enter Jasmine (so we’ll call her). 21 years old and HOTT with 2 T’s!!

Internet Love?

Jasmine and I hit it off right off the bat. She was quick and witty. She challenged me conversationally. Most of all, she seemed interested in me! Our first phone conversation lasted only 5 minutes…just enough to leave me hungry for more. The fantasy, yes, that’s exactly what it is, had begun.

My “relationship” with Jasmine lasted two months to the date. I understand that this section is going to sound very silly to you guys. Please, instead of judging and laughing, try to relate. It won’t be as hard as you think it might be.

The Roller Coaster Ride

The second phone conversation that I had with Jasmine came the night of our initial conversation. I learned that she had a daughter. She lived on her own in an extremely rough neck of the woods. Her mother had died of skin cancer. Her ex-boyfriend had beaten her.

In the middle of a good conversation, Jasmine suddenly interrupted me.

Somebody is at my door. Why would somebody be at my door? It’s 11pm! Let me see who it is…

It’s him! It’s my ex-boyfriend. And he looks pissed!

Go away! 

Go away!!

Bill, he’s trying to break in!

Mary (her daughter), go lock yourself in your room and hide under your bed. Mommy will tell you when you can come out. 

Oh crap, he got in!

He’s coming after me!!!

PLEASE DON’T HURT ME!

NOOO!!!!

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! OUCH!!!

Click.

What the heck was I supposed to do?

She called me back later that night. She had been beaten badly. Her head was cut open and she felt like he had broken one of her ribs.

This kinda of drama lasted the entire two months that we were “talking.” It was literally one thing after another:

• Her brother was a member of the Bloods. He was eventually killed (the day before she was about to come visit me).
• Her dad was a Made Man in the mafia.
• Her ex broke her webcam, therefore she couldn’t go on cam for me.
• Her best friend was put in the hospital
• Her daughter was kidnapped by her biological father. Apparently rumor had it that he took her to Italy.
• Jasmine was in and out of the hospital. Eventually she was diagnosed with skin cancer, the same disease that had killer her mother.
• Her house was broken into consistently.
• Her life was ALWAYS in danger.
• We made weekly plans for her to come visit me. I bought flowers each time. Each time she had a last minute tragedy.

I tried to get her to go to church. “Surely they will be able to help her,” I figured. I called a local church and spoke with their pastor. After agreeing to visit the church, I informed the pastor that Jasmine would be there on Sunday. He waited for her. She never showed up.

The list goes on and on and on. I know these things sound ridiculous. All I can say is that I was emotionally commited to this girl. I had vowed to her that I would help her get out of this mess. She cried to me begging me to help her and not abandon her. She was making progress! She always thanked me for helping me. She told me how much she appreciated what I was doing with/for her.

She wanted the fairy-tale lifestyle just like I did. She had so much to overcome. I would be the one to help her escape this awful situation and we would live happily ever after. Together.

The Truth Comes Out

Although I was severely blinded by fantasy, I was able to see enough reality to realize that “Jasmine” and her stories seemed far-fetched. Although I doubted, I quickly corrected any friend or family member who questioned my decision making when it came to Jasmine: “Once all of this is over, we’ll be together and I’ll accept your apology when you see how real she is.”

I questioned my fantasy girl almost daily:

“Jasmine, if you’re lying to me about ANYTHING, please just tell me. I promise I won’t be mad at you.”

“Nothing, baby. I’m not lying about anything. We’ll be together soon and I’ll prove it all to you.”

This continued for two entire months.

I was losing my mind. My panic attacks were severe. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t eat. I didn’t go out. My phone never EVER left my side. I missed work. I prayed for only her. I remember laying in the neighborhood street at 3am, staring at the sky…lost in my own mind…out of touch with reality. How many more “beatings” would I have to listen to on the phone? How many more “hospital visits” could this poor girl endure? I couldn’t take much more. My mental health and was in serious jeopardy.

As a professional (literally) computer “geek,” my Internet skills, along with my friends’ Internet skills were strong enough to be able to dig up enough information on Jasmine for me to create one convincing argument:

I know who you are, Jasmine [REAL last name].

I know your story. I know that everything you’ve told me is a lie.

I know you are using fake pictures.

I know you are 15.

All I want to know is “why?”

She had no answer. Yes, she was really 15.

The Aftermath

“If you continue to talk to this girl, you’re life will never be the same.” How right you were, mom. I should have listened to your advice. 

15. This girl was 15. How do I live with myself knowing that I just held a two month “relationship” with a 15 year old? How did this happen to me? How could I be so stupid? How could I be so blind? Why? Why would anybody do this? She nearly killed me. And for what?

I wish I could report that Jasmine was the last girl that I talked to online. Unfortunately, 4 other girls tried to pull the same crap on me. Fortunately, I was able to get out before it got too bad. I’m not saying that meeting girls/guys online is bad, but for me, it was nothing short of Hell on Earth.

Many Christians have a ‘and I fell to my knees’ moment as part of their testimony. I am no different. This tragic event threw me to my knees, sobbing in tears: 

God, if you’re real…if you’re listening…there HAS to be something different out there. This is absolute madness. Show me if you care.

I love my girlfriend, Tiffany, with all of my heart. As a result of my online relationships, I struggle with trusting her, though. I never feel like she’s giving it to me straight. My mind is trained to tell me that she’s lying to me…she’s hiding something from me. It is a challenge for me and for our relationship. 

I realize that I dug my own grave here. A series of horrendous decisions led to my ultimate destrution. I was blind and unable to rationalize. I hope I have learned.

I am thankful for Jasmine. I have forgiven Jasmine. Jesus Christ is my Lord and my Savior now. I have an amazing church home and family. My life has direction. My life has purpose.

After all is said and done, I still want the wife, kids, white picket fence (literally), dog, coffee in the morning, dinner as a family, etc.

Thank you for reading this. You have just been let into the most personal and life-changing part of my life.

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