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When I was in the military, I was stationed with Chuck Norris.
Not really, but almost.
Ya see, there was this guy, “The insane Christian guy” as we called him, who had ninja skills similar to those of our favorite Walker, Texas Ranger star. His mission was simple: recruit people for his church. His techniques, however, were anything but simple.
Each Sunday morning, while wiping the sleep out of your eyes as you walked to the community restroom, the “Holy freakin’ crap!” factor never seemed to decrease. Our evangelistic friend would hide in a hallway, an empty room, or any available crevice as the unsuspecting victim approached. When you were within speaking distance, this guy would jump out literally right in front of you and deliver his speech. It went something like this:
Evangelistic Guy (EG): Hey….[dude/man/bro/buddy anything to cover up the fact that he had forgotten your name]. How’s it going (acting like he cares)?Â
Me: Good. It was a long night. I didn’t get home till….
EG: Â [interrupting] ..cool! So hey, you wanna come to church with me? It’s gonna be great!
Me: Nah, dude. I was tryin to tell ya how tired I am before you interrupted me.
EG: Ah, don’t worry about that. You can take a nap sometime this afternoon. Grab your shoes!
Me: Not this time, bud. Sorry.
EG: Ok, well how about next Sunday?Â
Me: Yeah, uh, sure, whatever. I’ll go with ya next Sunday (lying through my teeth).
Next Sunday:
*POUND, POUND, POUND* Wait 30 seconds. *POUND, POUND, POUND*
In my head: Dude….go FREAKIN AWAY!!!!!
One time, on my way home from church (the one time I went while stationed in Japan), I had just parked my car and was on my way up to my room. As I rounded the corner and passed by the big bushes:
EG: HEY…..dude….do you want to come to church with me?
Me: (looking down at my hands) Um, I just came back. See? I’m still holding my bible
EG: Oh. Well do you want to go again?
Me: I’m done with you, dude.Â
It was then that I realized..um…I’m not the smartest, but did a Navy Seal just try to recruit me into his church? If my eyes aren’t failing me, I could have sworn that some guy just jumped out of a bush and tried to bring me to his church.Â
Needless to say, these evangelistic techniques, if that’s what you want to call them, did not work on me. If anything, they turned me away from the church, Christianity, and God. In my opinion, the most effective form of evangelization is accomplished by building relationships, loving, serving, and sharing.
But hey, maybe the hiding in the bathroom/jumping out of the bushes ninja method works on some people.
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I’ve never had any experiences like that. No pushy Christians trying to talk me into going to church. I must give off vibes.
Oh wait and see, my friend. Soon…very very very soon….
Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Yeah I tried that “missional befriending thing” in college. I felt dishonest like I didn’t really care about then but just wanted to convert them. I’m trying to get out of that.
It would work on me if it was Chuck Norris being the obnoxious Christian.
*Devil’s advocate warning*
If you really did care about them then you would do everything in your power to warn them that they’re “walking blindly off the edge of a cliff.”
I don’t subscribe to/utilize any ‘in your face’ evangelism, but many Christians argue very solid cases for it.
Tiffany,
Did you mean, “It would work on
meeverybody if it was Chuck Norris being the obnoxious Christian?”Wouldn’t ninjas generally be Shintoists? I mean it is the oldest religion of Japan and dominates next to Buddhism. I’m not saying that some ninjas wouldn’t be Christians or Muslims but generally speaking I’d imagine that this would be rare.
Pirates are an entirely different matter though.
A Christian pirate? awesome!
As for the devil’s advocate, you can push religion on to people all you want. they won’t listen. That’s one of the reasons why people don’t want to listen to the gospel because they think we’re dishonest.
I want to care about the person as a whole not just to convert them.
Actually, I’m gonna do a blog about this.
From my point of view Chuck Norris is an obnoxious christian, but then I’ve read his take on evolution.
I think it’d cool, if Christians were more ninja like. It’s too easy to spot all of you now.