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This is my favorite car (click it for a larger view). Ladies and gentlemen, this masterpiece is a [tag]1970 Chevelle[/tag] 454 LS6. It is cherry red with black skunk stripes. If I could have any car in the world, this would be it. One day I will own one. One day I will own YOU on the road. Pull up next to me at a stoplight…I dare you. The cam sound will be deep. The revs will be low. It will be my dream come true. I will own the one car that I’ve wanted my entire life.
You guys know this post isn’t about cars, right? Walk with me for a sec…
One day I will get my Chevelle. It’ll be everything I’ve imagined it to be. It’ll be flashy, fast and classic. My dreams will have literally have come true. Tell me this - why will I still look at other people’s cars and think to myself, “Ooohhh, I want that car!!”
[tag]Jesus [/tag]said,
You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit [tag]adultery[/tag].’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Can I be honest with you guys for a sec? According to what Jesus has said, I’d have to classify myself as a hardcore adulterer. Yes, I just said that.
See, I have a girlfriend. I love her. I think she’s the most beautiful woman on this planet. She loves me more than anybody (except maybe mommy) has ever loved me. She’d do anything for me. I’ve prayed for a woman like her my entire life. I’ve gone to bed at night crying, wondering when I’d finally get a girl like her. And now I have her…
And I still struggle with [tag]lust[/tag]. Yes, I struggle with lust. Not a little…a lot.
Do I want to lust? No!! Do I do my best to fight it? Yes!! Yet it remains…
[tag]Paul the apostle[/tag] says,
So the trouble is not with the law, for it is [tag]spiritual [/tag]and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the [tag]law [/tag]is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
Paul was a wise, wise man. I can completely relate to him here. See, I put things in place to help me stay on track. I have people in my life that keep me accountable. I put up physical, emotional and spiritual barriers. I try to stay proactive. Yet I continue to struggle…
One day I’ll have my car. As for now, I have my princess - the love of my life. My goal is to honor her and respect her. I will beat this thing.
Men: I want you to know that you’re not alone. I share your struggle too. Being a [tag]Christian [/tag]and/or a good husband/father doesn’t make this stuff go away. I’d encourage you to keep pushin’ on. Keep putting things in place to make this a little easier to deal with. Get some [tag]accountability[/tag]. Be real. Be open. Be honest. Lust/[tag]porn[/tag]/[tag]sexual sin[/tag] is a huge burden on our society. We can’t ignore it. Let’s stare it in the face and stand toe-to-toe with it.
I’ll be your wingman.
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You see this is one of those biblical issues that really makes me wonder about the intentions of the Bible.
The whole idea that if I even ‘THINK’ about what it might be like to spend a night with one of the Jessica’s (Alba or Biel…personally I am partial to Alba >:)) I’m committing adultery. That’s hard for me to digest. Just yesterday my lovely wife whom I adore says flatly to me…“Hun, if she were to come on to you…you have my blessing! Even as a woman i wouldn’t throw her out of bed!”
I have greatest wife ever!!
I have never been promiscuous. I can count on one hand the number of women I have been naked with. That may have more to do with my inherent shyness and lack of confidence than any moral sense. If I could go back in time would I make the same decisions? I don’t know.
I’ll tell ya this though, a few weeks ago I was in downtown Boston and I saw a Ferrari 360 Spider…oh mama!!! A Ferrari elicits the same feelings in me that a a gorgeous woman does. Maybe it’s because the curves are so similar!
Oh I covet yes I do!!
I always thought that coveting was one of the more ridiculous commandments! As Carlin suggested: Coveting keeps the economy going!
I can think anything I want, it’s actions that have consequences!
I can look at a beautiful woman or a beautiful car and think: Oh man!! Just one ride!
But i don’t act on those thoughts. That’s where conscience and morality come in.
But hey if the owner of the Ferrari says, “Hey Robert, why don’t you take her out to the ‘pike and open her up for me?” Oh yeah, I’ll wind that little baby up and let her fly!!
If Jessica Alba were to approach me and say, “Where ya been all my life?” I’d look up and whisper, “Are you FREAKIN’ kiddin’ me!?” And then I would politely decline and go home and kill myself!
I took vows with my wife, she is my soulmate and the love of my life. I wouldn’t trade that for the world! 0:-)
Actions hurt, thoughts that I keep to myself hurt no one!
Robert
Ow, self-inflicted mental abuse. Fer crying out loud, you’re a human being. Seeing attractive people of the sex to which you are attracted will have an effect on you. You might as well try and avoid breathing oxygen.
Your life, feel free to impose as much guilt on yourself as you wish for having two arms or for having a sex drive, I guess.
Accepting myself and my wife as we are, sex drives and lustful instincts intact and experienced without guilt - we’re doing wrong ? Well, I guess we’ll continue right along being ‘wrong’, happy, and not bothering anyone else.
@Robert:
My wife and I have an ‘exception’ list. Harmless fun, since Denise Richards or Vin Diesel won’t ever slum down to our level. :d
We’re extraordinarily boring monogamous parents otherwise.
Bill,
As always you have my respect for the guts it takes to bare your soul like this (it really takes guts if your girlfriend reads your blog).
I work in human services and am pursuing a master’s in social work, part-time. These are two areas of my life where the women vastly outnumber the men. Ironically, my wife works in a predominantly male workplace. We both recognized early on that we spend a lot of time around attractive people of the opposite sex, and we deal with it.
I want to make it clear that acknowledging somebody’s attractiveness is not lust. Fixating and fantasizing, that’s lust.
Robert ~ I agree that actions have more serious consequences, and that our lust may not hurt our significant others; however, lust will hurt the person who does the lusting. It definately breeds obsessiveness and then bitterness, and it can potentially lead to actions that will hurt other people.
*ahem* Women lust too. Oh yes.
It was another wise man who once said “When you’re on a diet you can look at the menu, but you can’t order.”
I see nothing wrong with lust. In fact I’m all for it. The idea that it is somehow wrong is out of date and, to be frank, a bit silly. Of course, a person (male or female) should have some self control and should respect others but denying your natural urges is just unnatural.
Time for a lewd wink I feel.
@Odgie
Oh I agree that if you become obsessed with fantasy of any kind it can damage. but the odd fleeting fantasy can actually be a healthy thing. We are human and to repress fantasy to the point of berating yourself can be damaging too.
@hoverFrog
What you said dude!
Rock on,
R
@Ben
OOOOO!!! Can we start speculating about our personal “allowed Fives”!?
Denise Richards…..really?
I think you might be dwelling too much on “Wild Things” Ben.
R
Robert saud
That’s the key right there. For me, I see many, many fine looking men. They’re out there! And I appreciate their being created, yes I do! However where the problem would come in for me is if I went beyond the simple appreciation of their physique or smile. Especially if I knew the person. The danger is the things I would entertain in my mind. I would begin role playing in my head of the kind of person he is and how we might interact and on and on. THEN I would start comparing this “fantasy” to my own husband and dissension would grow in my thoughts and heart in my false comparisons…ultimately creating a wedge between my husband and me. So there is a line, for me, that I must not dwell on these thoughts. Because a simple glance of appreciation, for some, can turn into a lustful mess!
@Tam
Again that’s where morality and conscience come in.
How far do you let your thoughts wander?
Everyone is different. Some people are capable of living a sordid fantasy in their heads….and it goes no further than that.
Others see a suggestive image and they go on a rape spree…
What to do? We don’t have the ability to police peoples thoughts. Even if we did would we want to open those cans of worms? :O
I can see where the biblical preclusion of lust is trying to go. But is it really effective or even workable?
As fallible humans we are ALL guilty of coveting and lust, it’s part of the biological imperative. Our higher brain functions allow us to override the more primal of our natures. Good thing too!
Robert
Agreed! Like you said some people can keep it in their heads and some people can’t. It’s what is happening on the way from your head to your heart and sometimes to your pants (if I may be so blunt)
We are all guilty of this and all are capable. To what extent can one handle. I can look at someone and think in my “head”, wow - he’s gorgeous! And I can end it there. But allowing my brain “higher brain function” to override is also key. That’s choosing to allow my thoughts to stay put in my head. So with that choice in my mind…Yes, I do believe the biblical preclusion of lust is workable. It all starts in my thoughts and I let it go from there.
Oh…and my daughters blood work came back normal^:)^ I’m just waiting on the EKG results now!
Bill,
First off, I sure hope your girlfriend doesn’t read this blog.
Second, I remember many a Romans 7-8 session in my pre-atheist life. I would get discouraged then look back at 7 and then…wait for it…Romans 8, it’s all taken care of! YAAAY! hehe.
All I can say is that I no longer think that lusting makes one an adulterer any more than being angry makes one a murderer. I heard once of a woman LEAVING her husband because he admitted the he’d lusted. I know that’s way beyond the norm, but equating thoughts with actions can lead to such extremist thinking.
Does that mean I think you should wrench out your neck every time a pretty girl passes by? NO way. But, neither should you beat yourself up about it if it does happen occasionally.
You, like every other guy on Earth, are programmed to respond to the female form. Can you eliminate it? Maybe for a stint. But, in my oh so VAST experience (LOL!) the only way to do so is to become a completely obsessed religious fanatic who averts his eyes from even the possibility of temptation. The kind of guy who frets constantly that he’s going to fail. And, who keeps bumping into lightpoles on the sidewalk because he’s always looking down trying not to be tempted. That is incredibly lame! Don’t be that guy! I was, for a time.
Warning! Cynical POV coming up:
I think the outlawing of uncontrollable humanness is part of the power grab of the church. Imbue everyone with unavoidable guilt by setting them up to fail and then you’ll have them cowering at your feet begging forgiveness through the priests.
Have we met?
I find that a healthy fantasy or two helps to keep our relationship vibrant after more than 15 years. I couldn’t see it lasting as long as it has without plenty of lust and imaginative fantasy on both our parts.
Time for another lewd wink.
@Tam, good news on your daughters blood work.
@Polly, your cynical POV isn’t really that cynical. I mean the good book does say that men who can’t control their sexual urges should marry. It’s as if the very idea of sex is repulsive to the authors. Presumably women just have to go along with that. More’s the pity.
Robert…….why do you take the Bible so literally?????? HA! I couldn’t resist…..I’m going to add here a bit to what Tam said. If you look at the Pharisees, in the Old Testament, they were under the assumption that if they went lusting after women in their hearts…and never actually acted it out, then God couldn’t hear it, and wouldn’t regard it and they could continue on in saying they were not adulterers…..what the Lord is trying to get through here is that He is all about the heart condition. Of course we’re going to appreciate God’s handiwork…….to say anything else would be a lie…but like Tam says, you stop there and don’t start the fantasy thing going as it can lead to all kinds of problems. I believe the other point here is that if we get caught up in all the rules and regulations part of walking with God it becomes impossible and people think why even try? If just appreciating a good pair of Levi’s walking down the street is enough to send you to Hell, what’s the point? The point is God knows, He already knows our weakness, that’s why He’s paved the way for us. Of course I want things, and the great thing is He wants them for me as well…..all He asks is that I trust Him for the “things”, acknowledge where they came from, and thank Him for them. I’ll tell ya from experience, His gifts are way beyond anything I could have dreamed up!!!!
Tam, so happy to hear about Kass!!!! YAY!!!…..on the blog……again…..sigh……
:d
@Polly…
She does read this blog. She is also aware of every struggle that I have as I am aware of hers. The last thing I’ll ever do is hide anything from her.
She knows how much I love her. She knows she’s my only. She knows I’m dedicated to her and only her.
She loves me despite of my weaknesses just as I love her despite hers.
We work through this stuff together. It’s awesome!
Do I really feel that, if she didn’t read this blog, that she’d think that I never lust over a girl? Lust is HUGE among men. All I’m doing is being honest with her. If I wasn’t, I’d be lying to her.
@Poly
You reminded me of something that happened at a family get together this past summer.
My cousin Deb and her husband are dyed-in-the-wool fundamentalist baptists. Deb is sweetheart beyond description. Her husband, Nate is a good man if a little dogmatic.
Anyway, at this get together Tina, Deb’s younger but legal sister, was dressed in a bathing suit. To put this delicately it did much to accentuate her assets, which is kind of a creepy thing to wear to a FAMILY event, but thats another issue.
Nate had, more or less removed himself from the proceedings. When I inquired with Deb as to where her better half was, she informed me that he had gone inside because he felt who couldn’t control his thoughts around Tina! :O
Here is a born-again baptist who is worried about lustful thoughts about his VERY attractive sister-in-law.
I can’t decide where the problem lies here?
Should he remove himself from temptation completely repress these thoughts or should he just allow himself the fantasy and move on?
Is his repression a function of his upbringing and his disgust that these feelings are entering his human mind?
This such a difficult issue!
Robert
If I look at the Ten Commandments lust is the one I would be most guilty of braking, everyday.
I am not into cars so much. Now I lust after food I can’t eat, because I am a diabetic, and of course very intelligent women. Yea! Right!
I think I may have mentioned how much I like going the the beach. I must admit seeing the sun rise over the ocean isn’t the only thing I enjoy watching there. :).
I think to see something and fantasize about having it is a very natural impulse. If you never have fantasies I suggest you check your pulse. You may be dead.
It only becomes a problem it effects your enjoying real life. Also as long as you don’t allow lust to turn to envy.
As Tam says in post #9, you don’t let it effect your relationship with the person you love.
@Robert(post #14):
“Should he remove himself from temptation completely repress these thoughts or should he just allow himself the fantasy and move on?”
I don’t like the idea of trying to repress an impulse like lust. If you believe that you won’t be able to control your lust then removing yourself from it may good option.
If your lust is effecting your life it is an issue you may need to confront. With the help of professionals, or your pastor, if necessary.
Nate may also have left because he felt personally insulted by the way Tina was showing disrespect to himself and the other family members. He may have left rather than spoil the family gathering by confronting her.
Bill,
That’s wonderful.
My wife is closer to being like the lady I mentioned above.
@Polly - I hope it didn’t sound like I was being short with you. If it did, I apologize.
Bill
Bill,
Not at all.
I wasn’t being sarcastic. I do think that’s wonderful that you can be so honest without it hurting your relationship.
Robert: For men and women to be attracted to eachother is the most natural thing in the world, it’s the way things are suppose to be. Letting any thought or emotion get to an extreme is going to be way unhealthy….regardless of which one it is. I think alot of it has to do with maturity and self-control…..
I think it was responsible and wise for Nate to remove himself from an environment that he already knew could create a problem for him. But I also see another issue here…in general, and this is the responsibility on the part of us women. I purposefully do not dress provocatively in public. I don’t let what little I have fall out anywhere. And revealing bikinis…don’t even think about it! I look like a crime scene in those things@-) For those of gals who sing on the Worship team at church we are very careful about our skirt lengths being up on a stage while others are looking up at us. At the beginning of every summer one of the Pastors at our Fellowship will remind us that when we walk in with all our goods saluting everyone it is very difficult not to be tempted or lust. They ask us women to do their part in supporting our guys and respecting not only ourselves but our brothers. I, for one, do not want to intentionally put myself out there in that way.
Is lusting after my own wife bad ? :d
I don’t think it’s ok to purposely flaunt yourself in front of a man, then say “How dare you lust after me” I look at some of the “swim suits” nowadays and they look downright painful. Our teeth is really the only thing that need flossing, are they not????? If I would have been in that situation, being the introverted, shy person that I am, I think I would have mentioned something to her…..it’s part of the responsibility we have as older women with some experience, to help the younger gals feel their self worth from who they are on the inside, not what they can show on the outside….;;)
No InWorship, in fact those of us that know you are buying you a drool bucket for Christmas….:))
You would so look good in that car! Thats so you!:d
Paul the apostle was a wise man.
And to think, God still loves us still.
Good blog!
=d>
inWorship,
“Is lusting after my own wife bad ?”
YES! At least according to a friend of mine (from back in High School). He said that it would be a sin for a man to lust after his own wife because lust is always wrong. I held a similar view, briefly, at one time.
I haven’t seen him since HS. By now I’ll bet he’s mellowed a bit. I hope!
btw-in case anyone reading this is wondering, I used to be a (generic) Protestant. The church I go to (occasionally) is Nazarene. I’m sure some might be wondering just what kind of religion I used to have.
GG,
=))
I don’t know what has happened the last couple days on this site - but this has been the longest group hug ever!!!>:d<
I’m lovin’ it#:-s
Tam I lust…I mena I love you
Polly - I can honestly say that I am very comfortable with me feelings about my wife. In the bedroom and out.. god has blessed me her and I thank him everyday for her. I think my feelings for my wife are no longer lust because of the relationship in marriage I have with her…that’s my take on it.
Tam - I think I ended the group hug over on the other post…sorry :”>
@Tam post #20:
“I also see another issue here…in general, and this is the responsibility on the part of us women. I purposefully do not dress provocatively in public. I don’t let what little I have fall out anywhere. And revealing bikinis…don’t even think about it!”
Most of the people I see at the beach just don’t have the bodies to wear revealing clothes. Gods Gal, sometimes I want to floss my eye balls out.
The young guys wear as little or less as the girls do now. Of course if I spent the time working out, as many of these guys must do, I guess I would want to show off as well.
One of the funnier incidents I remember was a when I saw a young mother pushing her baby carriage down the boardwalk.
A young “hunk” in a thong when skate boarding by her. She almost walked into one of the park benchs.
@inWorship
That all depends on your wife’s mood…
Moods? I DON’T HAVE MOODS!>:) Am I moody? Who said I was moody?~X( Somebody get me some TISSUE!!!:((
uuuhhhh, sorry about that :-s
@Tam
No….i won’t it’s too obvious!!! >:)
R
Funny Robert! Hmmm, it would appear that way - but nope! Not in years:d
I’m never moody o:-) :^o
Ya…what Tam said…no moods…
@-)
I LOVED this one, Bill. Excellent! I’m just a bit confused why anyone would think it was something your wonderful girlfriend might be uncomfortable reading? From, YOUR MOM ps…we love you in different ways! lol