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Do you guys think that children should be spanked?
If not, do you think spanking should be illegal?
If you have children, do you spank them? Why or why not?
Were you spanked?
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I think children can be raised to respect their parents/the rules/etc. without spanking. Violence rarely improves a situation and no matter what people say smacking a child to cause pain is violence. Reading some of the advocates of spanking like Dobson it is quite frightening how they view children. My daughter is only 10 months so I don’t have experience with the terrible twos or anything, but I hope to raise her so spanking is never considered.
I was spanked once as a child and it didn’t cause any emotional scars. Mom told me to stop doing something, I didn’t, and I got a spanking. No big deal, but looking back I think there were other ways to handle the situation.
I don’t think it should be illegal. I think the government is way to intrusive now and trying to monitor this would be a nightmare.
I agree with HappyNat, spanking isn’t the best way to discipline a child but I don’t think it should be a crime.
I was spanked as a child and I turned out just fine
You could make the argument that my parents spanked the Jesus out of me, ok fine, i’ll stop.
Seriously, I have spanked both my children and have found that it’s unnecessary with my oldest and is ineffective with my youngest.
My oldest has an extremely strong conscience and the fact that we are disappointed with him is usually enough to cause him to be wracked with guilt.
My youngest however lacks the strong conscience and has been the most difficult for us to discipline him. While spanking was over-the-top for the oldest it was just plain ineffective with the youngest, he’d just grin and bear it, tell you it didn’t hurt. He focused on the punishment too much with spanking and not the crime itself. We have since found better ways of getting him to acknowledge that what he did was wrong, making him come up with better ways to have handled the situation and he even gets to decide the appropriate punishment (with obvious guidance from us). While my oldest inherently “gets” the connection between bad behavior and the consequences, my youngest needs to have that connection reinforced.
It’s just amazing same parents, same parenting techniques, same punishments initially but the individuality of the child (brain wiring) requires separate tactics.
To us it really came down to (and you could apply this to the criminal justice system in general). When you child does wrong is your job to punish them or to change their behavior. While the latter usually involves punishment the former doesn’t necessarily lead to a change in behavior.
A good rule of thumb is that you should never spank your child within 10 minutes of the crime. Sit them down, explain the problem, explain how to avoid it again and then give them the spanking.
You’d be surprised that after doing that how often the spankings are done out of your own anger and not for the benefit of the child.
Call it what it is, an act of violence to get your own way over someone who is smaller and weaker than you. Or an act of violent retribution.
I have never beaten my children and have no reason to. I can much more effectively discipline them with sanctions (no toys, no TV, no sweets), punishments (quiet time, alone time, shouting) and most effectively I can explain what they did that I do not approve of.
Violence begets more violence. Teaching a child that you can get your own way because you’re bigger and stronger will teach them that bigger and stronger is better, that violence is a way to solve problems.
A violent attack is also generally over very quickly. Parental disapproval or sanctions can last for days or weeks, making them a constant reminder that certain actions are unwelcome.
No spanking. Ever.
I was spanked infrequently as a child and it mostly just led to cognitive dissonance on my part (why would my otherwise nice parents hurt me?) and perhaps a little too much respect for authority. As in, listen to authorities no matter what because it will hurt less. Hah! What a rotten lesson to teach a kid. My parents gave up on spanking altogether when it produced wildly negative results with my brother. Yes, even parents can be taught.
My husband and I had some serious arguments about this when our daughter was little. He contends that sometimes a little pain associated with an outright dangerous activity is useful. I don’t buy it, for all of the reasons other commenters give above. There is no spanking at our house.
At the risk of adding confusion to this topic (or maybe suggesting a broader one) I also have a real problem with the verbal equivalent of spanking. The words we use with our children have a huge effect on how they see the world. Verbal bullying is more insidious than the physical kind because most of us are not as aware of the implications of our words as we are of the implications of our physical actions.
A wonderful speaker from an area child advocacy organization did a great job of explaining my own parenting philosophy to me. We want to be authoritative, not authoritarian. There’s a huge difference.
I was spanked a few times, but never really beaten. I don’t think children should be spanked because it sends the wrong message. We should not be teaching children that violence is the way to control others or to get our way. It is not acceptable even for authority figures. Violence — as in war — should be a last resort and parents always have other options.
Never been spanked by my parents and never will spank as a parent. My opinion of spanking runs along the same line as hover’s and writerdd’s. And Heather raises a good point with verbal bullying. It’s just as harmful. I’ve even heard parents use really bitter sarcasm against their children (i.e. five-year-olds); it’s very disturbing. The children don’t understand the sarcasm and look *very* confused, lost, sad, and disappointed.
And oh, hey, this is totally topic, for which I apologize, but there was a thread a couple days ago where Jason and I started a book-swapping challenge (cookies may be involved, if they’re still wanted) but for the life of me I can’t find it anywhere to find out what book he wants me to read. Anyone remember? Again, sorry for the OT.
Wait, sarcasm is wrong? How can that be?
Heather, “We want to be authoritative, not authoritarian.” is a wonderful statement. I must use it for all kinds of things in the future.
Bill, doesn’t the bible advocate corporal punishment for children?
here’s my experiences of the last times my parents ever smacked me; make of it what you will.
my dad: i was about 13 and pretty much grown. can’t remember what i did or said, but it obviously wasn’t appreciated because he grabbed me and smacked my backside. i turned round, got right in his face, and told him if he EVER tried that again, i would hurt him. badly. i meant every word and he knew it. i guess the moral there is that if you’re willing to use physical violence and/or intimidation against your kids, you should bear in mind that they grow up, will probably one day be bigger than you, and besides, you gotta sleep sometime :d
my mum: even older this time, maybe 13/14. we had an argument and she ended up slapping me round the face. she had lost control and knew it. i laughed at her, she cried for about an hour. i never apologised or felt remorse for whatever it was i did wrong in the first place.
i should add, my parents are generally nice, non-violent people, as am i. it’s not like i ever got beaten, but nor could i ever treat my children (which i’m admittedly never planning to have) to the humiliation and degredation that i felt, purely because my parents were unable to keep control of themselves/use constructive rather than destructive discipline methods/recognise me as a sentient being.
If I hit or spank an adult (we’re not going there), I could be charged with assault. If I do the same to my child, it’s fine? Doesn’t make sense.
SuperMega, you’re hanging out w/ the wrong people. If I spank as an adult, I usually just get lucky
Hey, I personally was impacted by “spanking gone wrong” by very misguided and troubled parents so I would be most likely to against spanking, but I”m not…
I’ve looked at spanking and to me it isn’t an issue of violence. Spanking isn’t supposed to hurt the kid into not doing “X” again but rather a method of correction and discipline done with patience (and yes, love - I’ll explain in a bit) when other methods do not have effect on the child. That’s not laziness or a lack of creativity on the part of the parent, either.
Of course my logic for spanking lies in that I believe good can come from spanking for certain kids. My wife is NOT one of those kids. A sideways glance kept her from trouble.
Other people continually make dangerous or careless decisions that affect other people until they are physically disciplined or corrected. I see it as adults - they’re in prison or even dead.
I know those people so well because I’m one of them. I have been in jail a few times, I’ve made horrible decisions that hurt people, and I should be dead. By the grace of God I’m not incarcerated and obviously, I’m alive. I have no idea why but I’m grateful.
I’ve been a part of a 12-step group for various personality defects and in all my exploration of the beginnings of addictions, I’ve never come back to bad spankings as the root. I took issue with beatings and fountains of verbal abuse and hate but I clearly remember actual “spankings”, and have no ill feelings about it. Heck, I probably needed more…just by different parents (lol).
So I believe there is a “wise application” of spanking. Are all going to handle it correctly? No way, I think a person has to be strongly walking with God to know what that is, because his definition of love and the human definition strongly differ.
Since it is so difficult to carry out, do we take that choice away because some will screw it up? I think the alternative of raising a rebellious (in terms of human law much less God’s law) and me-centered generation is a far scarier prospect.
Looking at the comments we have people both Christians and Athiests/Agnostics that disagree. For the latter group, I actually understand because I believed the same thing. Societal values totally jive with what you’re saying.
For the former though, I’m curious as to what Bible Christians are reading. Want me to break out some OT proverbs for you? How about some books of OT prophets? How about historical accounts? Unfortunately some in the church don’t understand what was going on in the old or new testament and bought into the belief that that God allows pain but he never causes it. They turned the “hellfire and brimstone preacher” into some mythical creature representing all teaching that never discussed the love of Christ. In response, they used that guy as an excuse to create their own God. There’s a word for that in the Bible, which would be Idolatry.
I can’t actually read the Bible and believe in a God who does not discipline and correct even with physical pain because there are literally hundreds of instances. By that I mean God literally saying it to his own chosen people. This isn’t a matter of interpretation, fellow Christians - these are literal sentences comprising the bulk of the OT including many prophetic books Christians don’t read because they’re a “bummer”.
So where does that leave me in my understanding of God or humans who spank? I don’t believe a lack of painful consequences = love. I believe love is a choice of often tough decisions a la I Corinthians 13 which in some cases… applied in love… include spanking.
Matt, perhaps some of your problems are because you were abused by your parents (spanking gone wrong) or because your parents used violence (spanking) instead of reason to discipline you. Have you ever thought about that? So now you are endorsing continuing the same cycle of violence in the name of discipline? Seems like a bad choice to me.
I hope to God that no one here is taking child-rearing advice from Dobson, that mean prick who beat the crap out of his poor little dog because it wanted to sleep in front of the heater instead of in it’s assigned bed, and uses that as an example of how parents need to make children submit. That’s just sick. (OK, no bad words or my comment will be moderated.)
hi there Matt,
apologies, but i fail to grasp your logic. there are commentators here who were not spanked and would not spank who don’t appear to have had the issues you did. you were spanked and apparently it is a form of discipline that had absolutely no bearing on your later behaviour. whilst i agree there is not necessarily any causation/correlation going on, it also appears to have been mostly ineffective. therefore it seems pointless. even biblically, it can be argued that the stories of god using “discipline and correct(ion) even with physical pain” was an incredibly pointless idea, unless you’re saying that there are no sinners or non-christians in existence.
btw, i don’t think spanking usually constitutes violence, but it can definitely be classed as physical intimidation.
Matt, discipline is important in raising children, I think we all agree. There are degrees of discipline and if a parent begins with the strongest kind (violence) then they have nowhere to proceed or escalate to except greater and greater violence.
@writerdd,
Never thought of that
You’ll have to re-read my comment again because I’m not endorsing the same action. My paradigm shift toward spanking as a rare but sometimes necessary form of punishment rides on that the actions before during and after are different from the parent that just beats their kid out of laziness, fear or pride. It takes maturity, humility, and discipline to differentiate between the two. Of course everyone thinks they’re doing the latter but you have to judge the fruit to know if they’re full of it or on-track in raising their kids.
@ash,
I guess the feeling is mutual. I read your comment a couple times and still can’t make heads or tails. Why were the stories of God’s discipline pointless?
hey Matt, i will get back to you, but it’s the weekend and i’ve been having a great time! i will properly get back to you when i’m sober enough to make sense to myself, let alone the rest of the world! :d/
We are infrequent spankers, but we do spank, and with a wooden spoon no less. I was not spanked as a child and never thought I would, but nothing else worked with my 3.5 year old. I’d say she gets a spanking once a week, and there are four reasons in our family: dishonesty, disrespect, (continued willful) disobedience, and disregard for safety (ie choking your brother). My son isn’t quite two, so he only gets his hand smacked when he does something when he could get hurt.