Word On The Street Bible - You Down?
The Word On The Street, as written by Rob Lacey, is described as a “‘dangerously real’ retelling of Scripture, condensing the story of the Bible in less than 500 pages, paraphrasing the text in a distinctive, urban style…” Translation: this ain’t your granny’s King James bible.
I recently stumbled across a copy of this masterpiece at a local Barnes & Noble. As you can clearly see in this pic, I’m a hardcore gangsta from the ‘West Siiiiiiide’.
Check out this excerpt out of Genesis. This is from the NIV:
Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Now get a load of this same passage out of Word On The Street. *Disclaimer - if you’re over the age of 40 you may need to find a young whippersnapper to translate for you 
God parades all the animals in front of Adam to see what names he’ll give them. God doesn’t dispute any of his names, no limits on the wacky scale: whatever he calls it, that’s its name. Adam gets through the lot – the cattle, the birds, the beasts – but none is anything near partner potential.
So God puts the man under some sort of divine general anaesthetic, carries out a ribectomy, then closes up the gap in his side. God works on the rib until he’s sculpted it into woman-shape, and then he presents her to Adam.
“Whoa! Now we’re talking!” says Adam. “She’s like me … only not. Same bones, same skin, same shape … only not. She’s … uh … sexy. If I’m ‘man’, she’s … uh … ‘woman’.” (Which is why when people get married, they leave their parents behind and set up their own family unit. Sex makes them one person: you can’t tell where one stops and the other starts.)
They’re both stark naked, not that they’ve noticed – they’ve got no hang-ups about nudity.
I like this. I think it’s fun and exciting. I couldn’t use this for my main bible (as I’m sure it wasn’t intended), but I’d certainly enjoy giving it a read.
How about you? Ya down with this rap?
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17 Responses for "Word On The Street Bible - You Down?"
Finally a bible in plain English. The jargon in Scripture is all well and good for the in-crowd but it’s a pain in the neck for the rest of us.
You need to sort that image out btw.
Also the Lacey Theatre Company that Rob Lacey founded is based in the city that I went to University in, Cardiff. It’s a small world ain’t it.
*beats head repeatedly against the monitor*
Which is a shame because it’s a really nice DELL widescreen Flat Panel…
R.
No no, man, it’s all about the LOLCat Bible. A quote from the book of Genesis:
Sara said:
No no, man, it’s all about the LOLCat Bible. A quote from the book of Genesis:
Robert says:
Oh you have got to love the LOLCAT bible…
that had me in stitches for hours!
Ceiling Cat!!! ROTFLMAO!!!
R
yes: this version of the Bible.
no: Bill throwing up any type of gang symbol. what is it with white guys and gangsta symbols.
I’m a phony…
Da Jesus Book is also cool too. I would explain but y’all should look it up for yourself (yeah I said y’all. I’m from the South. get used to it.
yeah I saw that too not long ago. I almost bought it. I thought it was sweet. It’s like a bible for Streetwise and what’s so funny it’s from Britain. LOL
I’m sure lots of folks are down, way down, down in the pit of hell if they are rapping with this dude. Can you dig his definition of marriage, home boy? “Sex makes them one person” –so marriage is sex?! Can you see King James getting down with this rap? (You’ll notice that the KJV has to be attacked in this dudes blog –he does it with a big sloppy agape of course!)
While all the kiddies are LOL (laughing out loud) for four hours, thumbing through their kitty kat “bibles” the Lord is about ready to puke…Rev. 3:16, So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.
Soon to come to a Christian bookstore near you:
For Satan so loved the world that he sent you the Anti-Christ that whosoever taketh the mark of the Beast should not be beheaded but have eternal damnation. (TLT, The Lucifer Translation)
Ezekiel 21:8-17 “A Sword is Sharpened” March 25, 2001
Ezekiel 21:8 Again the word of the LORD came unto me, saying,
9 Son of man, prophesy, and say, Thus saith the LORD; Say, A sword, a sword is sharpened, and also furbished:
10 It is sharpened to make a sore slaughter; it is furbished that it may glitter: should we then make mirth? it contemneth the rod of my son, as every tree.
11 And he hath given it to be furbished, that it may be handled: this sword is sharpened, and it is furbished, to give it into the hand of the slayer.
12 Cry and howl, son of man: for it shall be upon my people, it shall be upon all the princes of Israel: terrors by reason of the sword shall be upon my people: smite therefore upon thy thigh.
13 Because it is a trial, and what if the sword contemn even the rod? it shall be no more, saith the Lord GOD.
14 Thou therefore, son of man, prophesy, and smite thine hands together, and let the sword be doubled the third time, the sword of the slain: it is the sword of the great men that are slain, which entereth into their privy chambers.
15 I have set the point of the sword against all their gates, that their heart may faint, and their ruins be multiplied: ah! it is made bright, it is wrapped up for the slaughter.
16 Go thee one way or other, either on the right hand, or on the left, whithersoever thy face is set.
17 I will also smite mine hands together, and I will cause my fury to rest: I the LORD have said it.
The Sword is Honed: (v.10 It is sharpened)
-Powerful: Quick and powerful, able to save your soul. It changes lives.
-Preserved: Psalm 12:6-7. A seven-fold purification process. There were seven English translations before the KJB was translated: Wycliffe, Tyndale, Coverdale, Matthew’s, The Great Bible, Geneva and the Bishop’s Bible.
-Pointed: The Word of God meets specific needs in the lives of His people. Marriage, family, children, future events, health, laws, human behaviour, victory over sin,-all these and many more areas are covered in the Bible.
* I’m talking about standards and holiness. God speaks with the pointed Sword of the Spirit! He tells us how we ought to live and dress and behave ourselves in this wicked world!
The Sword is to be Handled: (v.11 And he hath given it to be furbished, that it may be handled: this sword is sharpened, and it is furbished, to give it into the hand of the slayer.)
-For soulwinning: (the slayer is a type of the soul-winner who proclaims “Christ crucified” that others may be “crucified with Christ”.
-For Sanctification: Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth. John 17:17
-For Safety: We resist the devil and all forms of deception with the Word
The Sword Will Bring Horrors or Happiness: (v.12 … terrors by reason of the sword shall be upon my people
God commands his people: “…choose you this day whom ye will serve; Joshua 24:15
-Horrors: “…shall be tormented day and night for ever and ever.”
Rev. 20:10
-Heartache: Luke 16:23 And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.
24 And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.
25 But Abraham said, Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things: but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented.
26 And beside all this, between us and you there is a great gulf fixed: so that they which would pass from hence to you cannot; neither can they pass to us, that would come from thence.
27 Then he said, I pray thee therefore, father, that thou wouldest send him to my father’s house:
28 For I have five brethren; that he may testify unto them, lest they also come into this place of torment.
29 Abraham saith unto him, They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them.
-Hell-fire: John 12:47 And if any man hear my words, and believe not, I judge him not: for I came not to judge the world, but to save the world.
48 He that rejecteth me, and receiveth not my words, hath one that judgeth him: the word that I have spoken, the same shall judge him in the last day.
Happiness: ¶Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them. Psalm 119:165
Holiness: 1 Peter 1:15 But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation;
16 Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.
Heaven: Revelation 21:1 ¶And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.
2 And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
3 And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.
4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.
6 And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.
Heaven is a free gift!
The Sword is Against Hell: (v.15 I have set the point of the sword against all their gates) The context speaks of the gates of Jerusalem. There are the gates of Hell , however that our Lord said could not prevail against His churches. The church is sent with a sword in their hands to win the lost. Our swords ought to be pointed towards the very gates of Hell with:
-Commission: “Go ye”. We have a commission from God to storm the gates of Hell and win a victory against the devil and his kingdom.
-Compassion: Jude 22 And of some have compassion, making a difference: 23 And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.
-Conviction: 1 John 5:4 For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.
5 Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God?
We serve the same God that Joshua served, that Gideon served, and that Elijah served! We ought to, by God’s might, win a victory over the devil and win souls to Jesus Christ! That ought to be a conviction. That ought to be our confidence. God has commanded “Go ye” so ye go. God commanded Gideon to battle the Midianites and because he obeyed God gave him a great victory. I am convinced we can win greater battles!
The Sword Moves Hands: (v.14 son of man, prophesy, and smite thine hands together…v. 17 I will also smite mine hands together, and I will cause my fury to rest: I the LORD have said it.
Servants of God: The Word ought to move our hands to labour for the Master.
Son of God: God will act according to the declarations of His Word. “The soul that sinneth it shall die.”
Sinners against God: Psalm 2:1 ¶Why do the heathen rage, and the people imagine a vain thing?
2 The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the LORD, and against his anointed, saying,
3 Let us break their bands asunder, and cast away their cords from us.
v.4 He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision.
Dear Pastor Schonhaar,
The Word on the Street and LOLCat Bibles are not taken seriously by *anyone* (except, you apparently). Please take it easy.
Sincerely,
Sara
This is a disgrace! The KJV, NKJV and ESV were written on a 5th grade reading level, there is no reason you should need any other version. If you do, get a lexicon. I am ashamed that people think this is substantial!
I was wrong Pastor Schonhaar. Ashly takes them seriously too, it seems…
The Word on the Street and LOLCat Bibles are attempts at comedy, not actual “substantial” Bible translations. Give your colleagues’ intelligence a little more credit than that, please.
I appreciate the exchange here and realize I’m communicating with younger people (this is not meant in anyway to be derogatory).
Sara, for many teens and twenty’s this is the only “bible” they are exposed to. When an unsaved person is given The Word on the Street or something else, he thinks it is a version of the Bible.
I got right on the King James Bible when I was a young man of 22. I’m 44 now and really weep for the generation that are populating our chuirches now. Not that they are any better or worse than my generation but that there are such satanic forces at work today that were not evident 20 years ago. The modern versions are really making things worse.
Satanic interference is at the root of all the corruption in the modern versions. Satan is still busy, using modern day Eves, having had six thousand years to refine and perfect his talents.
God predicted over two thousand years ago: “Behold, the days come, saith the Lord GOD, that I will send a famine in the land, not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the LORD:” (Amos 8:11). This is being fulfilled today by the very means by which men seek to make the Bible available to all men! At a time when dozens of modern versions are available in every conceivable format; on the Internet,mp3, on flash drives, microform, in bookstores and in hundreds of languages, God said there would be a famine. We are indeed living in interesting times. What a paradox! Hundreds of versions, in dozens of formats but the famine continues.
God warned of those who would corrupt the Word of God. the Bible is not to be trifled with …see the last verses of the Bible!
Kim calls it a Bible:
By Kim April 15, 2008, 3:26PM
yeah I saw that too not long ago. I almost bought it. I thought it was sweet. It’s like a bible for Streetwise and what’s so funny it’s from Britain. LOL
Still LOL, Sara?
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